The Jeffersonian: Politicks, Sports, and Culture

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Its Like Kismet

You know, sometimes there's just a convergence of forces that makes life sweet:

Force Number One- Bill Simmons and his readers explaining the Jennifer Love Hewitt Rule:

Q: In your "Midseason Form" column, you write about how your wife hates Mariah Carey and that most women do. Try this: Tell your wife that you find Jennifer Love Hewitt attractive and you enjoy her acting. You may even be able to squeeze a whole column out of her reaction and the pure bile that women spit when hearing her name. Ask any sisters, sisters-in-law, other female friends; they all hate her universally, and it is unexplainable.
--Jack, Cleveland

SG: Just for the record, I tried this with the Sports Gal this week ... she reacted like George Brett in the Pine Tar Game. Highest of high comedy. Somebody needs to film the pilot, "Everybody Hates Jennifer."


Q: After watching the "Thursday Night Football" pregame show, is there now an equivalent to the "Jennifer Love Hewitt is a Great Actress" test for men? Imagine your response be if the Sports Gal remarked "Hey, I'll tell you who did a great job with that pregame show, that Freddie Prinze Jr." Even if you knew she was baiting you, could you control yourself?
-- Will Cornock, Roseland, N.J.

SG: Both excellent points. One problem though -- I don't think any guy truly takes Kutcher or Prinze seriously, whereas when USA Today showed a photo of Love Hewitt pursing her lips and trying to look sexy at the "Ghost Whisperer" press junket recently, I showed it to the Sports Gal with the comment "Doesn't she look great?" Twenty seconds later, she was still dropping F-bombs. That's why I think CBS is missing such a golden opportunity with Hewitt's new show -- she should play the world's most successful fashion model/nuclear physicist and date a never-ending string of good-looking rich guys. Women would watch every week just so they could be furious about it. I'm telling you, this would work.

Force number two- In The Pink Celebrity Culture columnist Smooch commenting on Hewitt's new television show, The Ghost Whisperer:

What the hell is this? Am I supposed to buy Jennifer Love Hewitt communing with the dead and helping them find emotional closure? The only thing that JLH thinks about is her hairdo. Do these bangs make me look fat? GOD how annoying would it be if you were dead and the only person you could talk to was… Jennifer Love Hewitt.

That is my idea of hell.

That just made my day.