The Jeffersonian: Politicks, Sports, and Culture

Wednesday, April 20, 2005


Oops, seems as if I've violated number 20 in Peter's Evil Overlord List of things to keep you in power for a very long time:

Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

Here's some other awesome suggestions.

  • My ventilations ducts will be too small to crawl through.
  • Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
  • After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
  • One of my advisors will be an average five-year old. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
  • When I employ people as advisors, I will occassionally listen to their advice.
  • I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legion of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
  • I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
  • I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
  • My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and MacIntosh powerbooks.
  • I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

and there are many, many more (100 to be exact).